As new parents we read books, magazines and watch shows that tell us we need to be stimulating our baby’s brains, we should be playing with them and buying them the latest toys and gadgets to keep them entertained.  Not only should we be playing with our babies and their toys but we should be taking them to classes where we play music, sing, and “exercise” them.  When we are not playing or in class the baby should be watching educational videos to stimulate language or even learning to read!  They should be in an “exer-saucer” or “baby gym” with lots of toys, bells, music and rattles. There are even video games designed for infants. We should be taking them on playdates and when they are not in a bouncy seat, jumper, swing, or saucer, we should be wearing our baby in a sling, Bjorn, or backpack.

For a stay-at-home parent it’s easy to feel that this is what we should be doing, giving our baby 100% of our attention because that is why we are staying home.  Working parents may feel guilty about being away all day and that their time with their baby is precious so, of course, they need to spend any time they have completely focused on their child.  In addition, many parents feel pressure to buy all of the latest gadgets, or follow all of the latest trends because of what they’ve heard from the media, friends, or family.  Some parents may not even think about it, they are just doing what everyone else is doing, not really conscious of why.

To a new born baby everything he sees: a tree, a car, a ceiling fan, a face, a table, is something he has never seen before.  His nervous system is immature, delicate and very sensitive to being over-stimulated.  Because everything is new to a baby, we do not need to work at stimulating them.  Babies, especially newborns, are like a raw, exposed nerve.  Too much light, sounds, faces, or even touch, can send them over the edge into being over stimulated.
When I hear parents talk about “colicky” babies, I immediately wonder about how much activity they are subjected to.  Are there a lot of guests coming to visit? Are there too many errands in a day? Is there TV or music on in the background all day?  Are there other siblings playing and making noise?  Are there too many toys, swings, bouncy chairs, mobiles?  Do they spend any time alone to decompress?  In my experience, babies who are fussing and crying much of the time, having trouble feeding and not sleeping well, are over-stimulated.

For a new baby it can be as simple as a trip to the mall or grocery store, or having company come over and being passed around that sends them over the edge.

As adults we often project our adult feelings onto our baby.  When our baby gets fussy we assume that he is bored and we move him to a new activity. Because we would be easily bored with their toys then they must be bored as well, even if they are lying on a blanket contentedly staring at their hands.  We feel that they should be doing something; it’s simply not enough to just let them be.  If we leave them alone to play then we assume they are lonely or feeling abandoned. This is simply not true. If we constantly interrupt our baby when they are happily playing, (and yes, looking at and discovering their hands is play), then we actually create the dreaded short attention span that we always hear about.  Children are actually capable of playing by themselves for long periods of time if we allow them to do so.

Quite a few parents say to me,” Oh, but my baby loves her exer-saucer!” Many children would choose candy over vegetables or TV over playing outside, but just because your child enjoys something doesn’t mean it’s good for them.

It’s your job as a parent is to make those decisions. Think about why you are using these things.  Are you honestly feeling like you are doing something good for your child? Or are you using them because all of your friends do, or you got them as a shower gift, or you just need a break?  You certainly have the right to have time for yourself, take a shower, use the bathroom, and eat some lunch. But all of these things can be done without over-stimulating your baby and also allowing them to play independently.

I’m not saying that you should never use a bouncy chair or swing, what I am saying is that they are not your only option and that putting your baby on a blanket in their room with a couple of toys can be the first thing you try. If your baby is used to being in a bouncy, swing or saucer, they may be resistant at first to being put on their back on the floor.  Try to put them down for five to ten minutes at first and then gradually increase their floor time.  Keep it simple, just a couple of toys (no baby gym hanging over their heads, no music or TV) in a quite, baby–proof room.

Keep company to a minimum when you have a young baby, limit your errands to one or two a day and give them plenty of quiet time alone in a basinet, crib, Pack and Play or on the floor where they can move their arms and legs, practice turning from side to side, and reach for a toy.  While they are playing you can also be close by but focusing your attention on something else: folding laundry, cleaning, sewing, reading.  That way you are there if they need you and want to check in with you, but then they are free to go back to playing on their own.  Do less.  Buy less.  Slow down and see how your baby responds.  You may find yourself with a baby who is happier, more easy going, and sleeping better.

Author Bio: Katie Smith is a Sleep Consultant and Parenting Coach in the Los Angeles area.
Katie has been working with children for over twenty years, she has her Bachelors degree in Child Development and has done training and research in different child development philosophies such as RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers) and Waldorf.
Currently she is busy helping parents with their children\\\'s sleep and discipline issues as well as raising her four year old son.
www.theindependentchild.com